Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – 4IAR Champions Celtic v Mobland | OneFootball

SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v MOBLAND…

Callum McGregor and James Forrest of Celtic lift the League trophy after the Scottish Premiership match between Celtic FC and St Mirren FC at Celtic Park on May 17, 2025. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

THE FRIENDLY GHOST – 6.5/10 – Enjoyed every moment of his second career title win, safe handling and on-point footwork for his sparse involvement. No chance with the Paulo-assisted goal, but it won’t wipe the grin off his amiable mug as he eyes a triple-champion career finale next season.

Callum McGregor and Brendan Rodgers celebrate the league win. Celtic v St Mirren, Scottish Premiership,Celtic Park, 17 May 2025. Photo Robert Perry/Shutterstock

GREGGS THE BAKER – 6.5/10 – Melted the hearts of the weemin in the crowd as he took the field with a wee bundle of jhoy. And as well as walking out with Jamesy, he also carried his beautiful baby daughter. Thereafter, a match which showcased why we need the Greggs option to remain – busy, inventive, supportive, involved until he faded second-half, but STILL hustling at the death to help shift the ball across their box for that event. Quietly invaluable. Keep.

James Forrest celebrates after scoring during the Scottish Premiership match between Celtic and St Mirren at Celtic Park on May 17, 2025. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

WAYNE GRETZKY – 5.5/10 – The Moose was loose, alright – just not at it all game UNTIL…

“I AM PELE. You are CARLOS ALBERTO…”

And the layoff for the ecstatic moment as he played ‘Phoenix From The Flames’ Brazil 1970 with Jamesy; The house – it was brought down.

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OF JUSTICE – 6.5/10 – More quality gingeing from the Barndarrig Beckenbauer – Despite the overall lack of cohesion, his input was tidy and precise because the Hades Saints probably have the most troublesome physical frontline on the domestic scene.

GET CARTER – 7/10 – Together with Liam they got a good test, particularly physically having to handle a strong and mobile attack not prepared to allow much time on the ball. CCV overcame the robust challenge and was able to push us higher and get them properly pinned in for the last ten.

Callum McGregor and Brendan Rodgers celebrate the league win. Celtic v St Mirren, Scottish Premiership, 17 May 2025 Photo Robert Perry/Shutterstock

CALMAC – 6.5/10 – ‘Swamp their skipper’ was the strategy from Phish Family Robinson and they implemented it pretty well, getting bodies in and around Calmac to run interference. Times like that are when we need the defensive midfield presence The Brodge doesn’t believe in…But Calmac’s wit and footballing brain eventually rewarded his fortitude by manoeuvring round their press; once he’d established control it became a matter of time. Which we did think was slipping away…

James Forrest scores and celebrates. Celtic v St Mirren, Scottish Premiership, Celtic Park, 17 May 2025. Photo Robert Perry Shutterstock

SAINT BERNARDO – 5.5/10 – Kind of rumbled around in his gangly effective style, adding a bit of presence and a few decent involvements. But lack of match fitness showed after the break. Still, he’ll get there.

THE TERMINATOR – 6.5/10 – Looked to be our main man today in the opening stages – plenty involvement, good movement and a bit of inventive cunning on display. Still gets dogged by that young player frustration when things aren’t going his way and was hooked in a state of perplexion; don’t sweat it, kid – just keep doing the right things and it’ll pay off.

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Daizen Maeda poses with his Scottish Premiership winners medal after the season s final league match against St. Mirren on May 17, 2025. Photo IMAGO

LORD KATSUMOTO – 4/10 – We can afford a season finale LOL @ Daizen for that point-blank Mr.Magoo Moment after his raucous campaign of slaying everything in his way. But after that abberation? Time to hide the swords and don’t utter the word ‘harakiri’…

DUNCAN IDAHO – 6/10 – I’ll give him this – today wasn’t a lazy day. Put in a lot of effort for no reward but was matched by well-organised brawny defenders offering less space than Billy Dodds’ tracksuit.

The players of Celtic pose with the Scottish Premiership Trophy on May 17, 2025. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

TAKINTE – 7/10 – The Kuhn ain’t too happy at the hookin’ and, to be fair, he did seem our most potent threat until the Hero Of The Hour replaced him. Could have scored a terrific goal after a thrilling dribble but was let down by his poor command of English – being unable to interpret the crowd’s bellowed advice of “Flamin’ HIT it!” in time.

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SUBS –

YING – 6/10 – Certainly helped to liven things up in an energetic but fruitless cameo; though caught the ‘final ball malaise’ from the rest.

SCHLUPPTHE ‘RA – N/A  –  A peculiar choice of replacement for Arne. Maybe in a meritocracy, young McArdle might have gotten another deserved chance…. If he’d even made the bench.

HIGHLAND TOFFEE – 5/10 – Look, Luke’s not really getting the look-in he deserved after Wednesday. Like others… And he couldn’t quite find the flow when he came in to salvage the game.

KENNY JOHNNY – 6.5/10 – The Riverstown Rapid shows us again why he’s a valid option – lightning burst of pace had him in where others had failed to captalise; only denied some final-day glory by good goalkeeping.

James Forrest of Celtic scores during the Scottish Premiership match between Celtic and St Mirren at Celtic Park on May 17, 2025. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

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JAMESY – 10/10 MOTM – How dare you! How dare you not have faith in The Prestwick Pele for THE money shot. How dare you not heed the testimony of thousands of broken-hearted lassies (and a few purring MILFs…). How dare you consider the possibility that The Flash would not score. Jamesy ALWAYS scores; it is written.

James Forrest of Celtic celebrates after scoring l during the Scottish Premiership match between Celtic and St Mirren at Celtic Park on May 17, 2025. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

From the – ridiculously late – moment he took the park and re-energised a toiling Hoops power-bank, something was on the cards. It appeared that something might be the glory of his teammates as Jamesy’s directness created chance after chance for them. All spurned. But of course, in this life, some scripts are already written. Cometh the hour, cometh the top-stagger; Well, cometh the last kick in the last throes of the season.

James Forrest of Celtic celebrates after scoring l during the Scottish Premiership match between Celtic and St Mirren at Celtic Park on May 17, 2025. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

‘Fancy it?’

Yes he did. The unreal sizzling finish gave us all an taste of how a night with Jamesy ends – edging us through his comeback games as the season ticked down, then slamming home for an explosive climax when it looked like he’d run out of steam. There wasn’t a dry eye – or seat – in the house. The drama took a twist or two but the good ghuy won out in the end and everyone got THE moment they really came for. Hail, hail Jamesy Forrest.

James Forrest of Celtic celebrates after scoring l during the Scottish Premiership match between Celtic and St Mirren at Celtic Park on May 17, 2025. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

Just spare a thought for shocked glass collectors all over Prestwick tonight as tributes are made with Jamesy’s motto uppermost:

“Always fill yer empty pint glass…”

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Celtic manager Brendan Rodgers beside the trophy after the Scottish Premiership match between Celtic and St Mirren at Celtic Park on May 17, 2025. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

THE NOTAPRODDYGAL – 3/10 – The ego has landed. f-off, Rodgers, as they say, or said at 11am…Scandalous team selection that obliterated all notions of meritocracy and seemed intentioned to subdue the exploits of a legend.

Why?

An instinctive egotistical envy of a spotlight on someone else? Reluctance to consider alternative versions of his envisioned Celtic first choice? Craven Brendanistas will point to pragmatism over sentiment but I contend that is… Flaming bollocks. Celtic is built on emotion, is ABOUT emotion. Celtic, and the reason you support, is about EPIC narratives. Nobody turned up or tuned in today to watch Brendan’s principal select XI go through the motions in a half-charged preparation for the coming cup final.

Celtic manager Brendan Rodgers beside the trophy after the Scottish Premiership match between Celtic and St Mirren at Celtic Park on May 17, 2025. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

We were there to see a little bit of history, from a legend; a narrative SIXTEEN seasons in the making – eclipsing all of Brendan’s charm, betrayal, outrageous return and forgiveness… And maybe also to witness the emergence of new – The Ginger Yamal! – and underused talent – Rocky! – to the forefront; those narratives having been written at Pittodrie on Wednesday.

Nope. The shining lights were extinguished and left out or on the bench and THE legend made to wait and hope before getting his time to deliver the grandstand finish of all grandstand finishes…

…IN SPITE of his manager’s stratagem.

No ‘stage-managed excellence’ nonsense from the Brendanistas will be tolerated; at any point prior to Jamesy’s entry, with our attacking force, we may have won a penalty…And the people’s chosen taker – the HERO of this Celtic story inscribed across nearly two decades – would have been sat on his rear-end. Criminal.

Rodgers got off the hook today. Just.

That’s DEFINITIVE.

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MIBBERY – 5/10 – So, there he was, young Bargain Stunt, stopwatch wrecked, and unable to count seconds in his heid – hint; just use ‘elephants’ after each number like in ‘Gregory’s Girl’. Saints got imaginary fouls, imaginary time to delay the game.. All for Bargain Stunt to troll us and impress his growling gammon Zombie Da’. And on they went, officialdom frustrating the Bhoys, taking a last smidgen of embittered, perverse satisfaction from another season of misery, inflating their misplaced sense of superiority…The balloons at the title party.

And then Jamesy burst them all. LOL.

James Forrest scores late goal and celebrates. Celtic v St Mirren, Scottish Premiership, Football, Celtic Park – 17 May 2025. Photo Robert Perry Shutterstock

OVERALL – 6/10 – Look, nobody really had an off-day apart from the manager. Individually, as noted above, most Bhoys were competent – the problem lay in lack of cohesion, the collective performance; a bit disjointed, tempo difficult to maintain, final balls sprayed around like some abstract impressionist artwork…

Couple this with a St.Mirren side in top gear, drilled to perfection, able to nullify most of our laborious build-up and pose us a defensive obstacle we attempted to surmount like Edmund Hilary packing for the Everest expedition by slinging a ladder over his shoulder and slugging from a bottle of brandy; “Ach, it’ll be fine…”

Reo Hatate is pictured with the Scottish Premiership trophy after the season s final match against St. Mirren on May 17, 2025. Photo IMAGO

So we stumbled and stuttered… Then produced a fairytale finale to make all the bad stuff go away in one slam of a legend’s boot. And the day, as they say in Paisley, was gay after all…These Bhoys are top dogs for a reason – relentless pursuit of glory, hindered along the way occasionally by mishap or mishits. But as they rammed home today, they’ll dog you until the spectacular end.

Stand up for the CHAMPIONS.

Go Away Now

Sandman

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