Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v United Arab Eccentrics

The Celtic Star

·23 December 2024

Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v United Arab Eccentrics

SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC @ UNITED ARAB ECCENTRICS…

Smoking at Tannadice, Dundee Utd v Celtic, Sunday 22 December 2024. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

“So there I was, ensconced on a busy train in deepest North Korea. Many small resentful eyes upon me, this incongruous western face. They spoke among themselves in hushed tones, glancing over with fraught agitation. Was it me, I wondered? Was I such an unsettling presence? I entreated my interpreter to explain the source of their discourse. And discontent… He shook his head, rueful, whispering to me: ‘They speak of a penalty in a land far away. One not given. So controversial our society struggles to function but for its prominence in public consciousness. Our glorious leader Kim Jong Dingdong will make statement later today to entire country to calm all population. He will tell them: “Never Pen. Out box, easy spot, first foul only. Now, back to proper work. Stop be Zombies.”‘ – from ‘Holidays In Hell’, by P.J.O’Rourke.

🤝 A share of the points at Tannadice as Dundee Utd and Celtic drew 0-0 ⤵️
– Sunday, 22 December 2024

Kasper Schmeichel and Brendan Rodgers at Tannadice, Dundee Utd v Celtic, Sunday 22 December 2024. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

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THE FRIENDLY GHOST – 6/10 – Steady as she goes… Safe hands, keeping a safehouse; ever-reliable Kasper maintained his concentration to the death in goalkeeper’s nightmare conditions. Any wobbles were quickly recovered.

Anthony Ralston at Tannadice, Dundee Utd v Celtic, Sunday 22 December 2024. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

TONY THE TIGER – 5.5/10 – The Tiger’s been loosed and on the hunt for meat. But his Sunday Dundee BBQ never quite took light beyond anything more than embers – those scorching cross-balls have been the missing element from his season’s contributions to date; soon as we see some of those fired across opposition goalmouths we’ll know Tony’s on fire again.

Greg Taylor at Tannadice, Dundee Utd v Celtic, Sunday 22 December 2024. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

GREGGS THE BAKER – 7/10 MOTM – Early shift not a problem for our busy baker. And he was THE busiest on the park today. Constantly attempting to influence, to raise the tempo, popping up to advance moves and pin United in. Sadly, although he was looking for some around him to match his urgency, it appeared no-one comprehended the concept of timing pastry to perfection and were content to let things slow-bake and see what happened; Greggs was the starch looking to get a rise out of the doughballs…

Stephen Welsh at Tannadice, Dundee Utd v Celtic, Sunday 22 December 2024. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

RAQUEL – 6/10 – The ruse was cunning – throw some glamour into the storm and freak the locals out so much that the trauma in the stands would affect the players. The rare sighting of Raquel seemed to affect us more than them. But he was more than competent – nary a foot wrong and well aware of the hazardous wind. Made sure his involvement was positive on every ocassion. Good game.

OF JUSTICE – 6/10 – Settled well with Raquel and despite United’s lack of attacking threat, he was another making sure nothing was going to result from his error. Kept the ball moving well across the back but never found a really telling forward pass.

Callum McGregor at Tannadice, Dundee Utd v Celtic, Sunday 22 December 2024. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

CALMAC – 4.5/10 – Probably one of his poorest games of the season. Baffling, because many a time we’ve seen Calmac strike up the rhythm. And on or around 67 minutes today he zipped a ball around the halfway and I thought, ‘LFG.” But thereafter, minor flourishes aside, it appeared he was as conflicted as many others about completely going for their jugular. He opted for cautionary keep-ball, probably well aware of the elements, but on the flip side of that, not considering the terror their defensive block would endure facing a rampant Hoops in that wind. Really is up to him to control the game in the heat of the moment, gauge the mindset of the opponents, and dictate our approach. Just thought he defaulted to neutral far too much.

Reo Hatate at Tannadice, Dundee Utd v Celtic, Sunday 22 December 2024. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

HAKUNA HATATE – 5.5/10 – Reo looked threatening on a few occasions first-half and hopes were raised that he would be a difference-maker deep into the second. But, unusually in these types of away games with them sat-in, he faded and didn’t see out the 90.

Luke McCowan at Tannadice, Dundee Utd v Celtic, Sunday 22 December 2024. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

HIGHLAND TOFFEE – 6.5/10 – Eh, I’m probably losing it – was I ever all there anyway? – but for me Luke was shaping up for MOTM. Silky, dangerous, the man most likely to do damage after a couple of close zingers.So who better to get in and about his old city rivals and carve us a lead with his cultured left peg as the game progressed and they raised the barricades? Nope. Subbed. WTH? Almost spilled my Guinness.

Almost.

My soul remains pure.

Yang at Tannadice, Dundee Utd v Celtic, Sunday 22 December 2024. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

YING – 3/10 – Jeez, this was nadir Mikey Johnston stuff. His big opportunity thanks to Kuhn’s stiff hip (sore knee) and Jamesy’s broken stiffie. But the promising Korean kid fluffed his lines and staggered about lost. A paucity of service did not help, but when he did get involved his co-ordination deserted him and it was much like watching Mr.Bean climbing out of a deckchair.

LORD KATSUMOTO – 4/10 – Divine Wind it means…’Kamikaze’ that is. But the translation never worked on Daizeminem – he couldn’t put two words together, metaphorically speaking, and the local rap fans (Dundee’s known as the spiritual home of JunkieRap) were as disappointed as us. Some delicate touches in the opening spell devolved into clumsy blundering-ball and our enigmatic Zombie-killer machine ambled off, windblown, and as confused as everybody else.

Kyogo at Tannadice, Dundee Utd v Celtic, Sunday 22 December 2024. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

KILLER MUSHROOM – 4/10 – This was the game, and those were HIS goal-den moments. But the wee fella who so often takes home the points burst everybody’s coupon with uncharacteristic WTF in front of goal. Encapsulated the entire frustrating game when right through on the keeper and changed his mind about the finish without relaying the message to his feet; ended up like a hillbilly attempting Riverdance and the keeper blocked. However – on a positive note at least we didn’t lose him to that wind. Would have ruined Christmas watching Kyogo get blown into the Tay.

SUBS –

SAINT BERNARDO – N/A – Shuttled around hustling for action, but no openings and not much impact.

Adam Idah at Tannadice, Dundee Utd v Celtic, Sunday 22 December 2024. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

DUNCAN IDAHO – 5.5/10 – His directness helped, and there was a lovely lay-off for Kyogo’s not-match-winning chance, plus a great defensive header at a vicious in-swinging corner. But we hoped he’d be the Lisan-al-Gaib and lead us to Xmas paradise. Nah. Couldn’t dig us out the sand.

Luis Palma at Tannadice, Dundee Utd v Celtic, Sunday 22 December 2024. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

BRIAN DE – 4/10 – Damn, I hoped he might recapture the Palma of last year and re-launch his own Celtic career with a sizzling intervention that would snatch the points. But after a couple of promising bursts that had them on their heels he reverted to annoying-Palma; shimmy-check-check-shimmy-check… and summed up the Celtic 90 minutes in a few dribbles – going flaming nowhere.

THE TERMINATOR – N/A – Almost a Ghod-for-a-day. Nice movement and footwork to poke in the winne… Hell. Keeper shinned-it and left Arne’s luck hanging

Adam Idah and Brendan Rodgers at Tannadice, Dundee Utd v Celtic, Sunday 22 December 2024. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

🙅‍♂️ “We didn’t work the ‘keeper enough” 🗣️ “Some of the quality of football was very good” Brendan Rodgers gives his thoughts on Celtic’s 0-0 draw at Dundee Utd ⬇️
– Sunday, 22 December 2024

THE NOTAPRODDYGAL – 5/10 – First visit ever to TanningSalonadice and picked a Storm-With-No-Name to do it in. Then picked a team with no cohesion to play in it. I’m all for rotation to keep players fresh and hungry, but not away against The Arabs – punching above their weight, mostly – in weather that had Phileas Fogg raise a finger to gauge the elements and state: “Screw this, I’m going to the pub.”

Boxing Day home to Momasboys is the time to rest-up some big guns with Mordor looming. This was a must-win to set up the festive frenzy and keep the Zombies on the naughty shelf. So as it’s backfiring, BR compounds it by hooking, Luke, his most likely hero – or was it just me? However, all said, we did maintain the unbeaten run and have that healthy lead. So he’s going to enjoy the turkey regardless.

Referee David Dickinson at Tannadice, Dundee Utd v Celtic, Sunday 22 December 2024. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

MIBBERY – 2/10 – Surprisingly passive given the Xmas Bouncy Bonuses on offer and the pressure being applied for missing the Zombie penalty quotas. Perhaps they were all deaf from tinnitus caused by the incessant greetin’ and whining from the insufferable neds. Or perhaps they were simply stupefied at the manifestation of their childhood Xmas wishes as the Bhoys dropped points on their watch.

Brendan Rodgers at Tannadice, Dundee Utd v Celtic, Sunday 22 December 2024. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

OVERALL – 5/10 – ‘Are we human? Or are we dancers?” asked a wandering Mormon minstrel quartet. Today, we were dancers to a man – sand-dancers, faffing around like slaughterhouse Matadors who’d lost the bloodlust or even the mercy to end their charges’ defiance. Which did also show us as human, in a way – no miraculous last-ditch escape with the three points, unusually. There’s a fine line between deliberation and hesitation. Celtic fell on the side of the latter too many times.

That reluctance to commit to a searching pass – only Raquel first half; a beauty slid through their channels to be wasted by Ying – and opt for the extra touch, the simple sideways ball. Safety. Caution. Retention. Possession…

All very well if there’s a quickening, a gear-switch to spring the trap. But that wasn’t the case. We’d break down, look bewildered at each other, and reset back into position, heads dipping as time wore on. The season’s been defined by dynamic wing-play but here was a match when both flanks were ineffectual and the middle stagnant. United defended very well, superbly drilled, and rode their deserved luck to compound our tribulations. All-in, one of those now rare, misfiring days.

It’s not always like this, hardly ever recently, so maybe you cut the Bhoys a break for an uncharacteristic dip that at least reminds us at this time of year what those less fortunate go through…

Celtic supporters in festive spirits at Tannadice, Dundee Utd v Celtic, Sunday 22 December 2024. Photo Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

I’m talking about being a Zombie, dear reader. So let’s conclude with verses from Bob Geldof’s now traditional festive prayer:

‘Do They Know It’s Christmas?’ – ‘But say a prayer Pray for the plucking Ones At Christmas time it’s hard (oo-er) And Jamesy’s having fun There’s a One outside your window And he’s filled with dread and fear Where the only water flowing Is bitter orange tears And the Onion Bears that sing there Are the clanging fudds of doom Well tonight thank God it’s them Instead of you… And there’ll be plenty ‘snow’ in Ibroxonia this New Year’s game The greatest pumping of their lives Where nobody ever knows, how the money flows Do they know it’s Christmas time at all? Feed The Ones Feed The Ones Feed the Ones Let them know it’s Christmas time again.’

Merry Xmas to you all. Ghod bless us, every one.

Go Away Now

Sandman

Text by Sandman. Photos Vagelis Georgariou. Formatted and posted by Celtic Star Editor…

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