Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v Arabesques

The Celtic Star

·9 janvier 2025

Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v Arabesques

SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v ARABESQUES

“So I told them, ‘Don’t be singing a song about a returning hero, who I’m openly pursuing to sign. Because that’s disrespectful to the fella currently in the jersey, who I’m openly trying to replace.’ How we laughed, Pete and I…” – From ‘Gaslighting Memoirs’ by Brendan Rodgers

Kasper Schmeichel and Alistair Johnston acknowledge the fans following the Scottishl Premiership match between Celtic and Dundee United at Celtic Park on January 08, 2025 . (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

THE FRIENDLY GHOST – 6.5/10 – Wrap up tight, it’s going to be a cold one…Denmark’s freezing forests have got nothing on Scotland’s dank winter chill, especially when you’re stuck in more or less the one spot for a couple of hours. So it was wise of Kasper to wear his puffa jaicket under his goalie tap. Wise, that is, for the first 45… He waited 14 minutes for a first kick, maybe 3 touches the entire half. Then after the break the tables swivelled a bit, if not fully turned, and Kasper earned his Lego vouchers with some solid keeping to notch another clean sheet.

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WAYNE GRETZKY – 6/10 – We thought it was getting Canada cold during the last half hour but, minus five or whatever, it still can’t match the minus 16 on the other side of the city. For AJ, missing his Luftwaffe wingman, it was a frosty night out. Couldn’t find a good final ball, passing was slack; threw in some duff crosses yet, ironically, skewing a deflection off Yang’s backside brought about the opening goal.

GET CARTER – 7/10 – Rugged and extremely convincing physical presence against a number of opponents lined up against him through the middle. Superb rolling, combating physique with strength, pace with smart anticipation, and even down on his knees blocking during a stramash.

Jort van der Sande of Dundee United vies with Auston Trusty of Celtic during the Scottish Premiership match between Celtic and Dundee United at Celtic Park on January 08, 2025.. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

CRUSTY THE CLOWN – 6.5/10 – Gallus for goals after Saturday – smacked a header off bar 13 minutes in and was always thereabouts for our four thousand corners. Maintained organisation well with fellow Navy Seal as United found themselves in nosebleed territory more times than we were comfortable with. Battled well during their ubiquitous aerial assaults.

Greg Taylor of Celtic looks on as he inspects the pitch prior to the Scottish Premiership match between Celtic FC and Dundee United at Celtic Park on January 08, 2025. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

GREGGS THE BAKER – 6.5/10 – “Ha-ha! The boss says they don’t like ye!” ‘Eh? Shutup, Jamesy…’ Bewildered, Greggs went about his business as usual – rolls baked to a tee, pastries timed to perfection, steak bakes suitably lava-filled…Whatever the contention around his will-he-won’t-he-go-play-for-a-Roman-Emperor, as ever Greggs the player gave his busy best for the Celtic jersey – the attribute that improved his game tenfold under the last regime and which will ensure his presence will be missed, or appreciated, whatever he decides to do this month. File tonight under, ‘typical’ and credit him for an intense 90 minutes of quiet effectiveness with his inverted presence always giving us options when faced with a stoical wall of turquoise/lavender/Peppa Pig pink.

Callum McGregor of Celtic acknowledges the fans following the Scottish Premiership match between Celtic and Dundee United at Celtic Park on January 08, 2025. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

CALMAC – 6.5/10 – An evening on maintenance duty. Playing more the foreman than conductor as Luke and Arne got the creativity underway. Still managed the pass of the night – a superb disguised reverse ball on 43 minutes that deserved a goal.

THE TERMINATOR – 7.5/10 MOTM – ‘I’m the best kid in the school team and you know it.’ That’s the vibe off this bhoy and we’re going to get to know it, alright. The more confident he gets, the more that arrogance infects his play and the diagnosis is excitement all-round. Moves about like he owns the place and sees the game seconds ahead of others. Got culture in the boots with inventive lay-offs, a wicked delivery, and his instinctive movement puts him at the centre of all our good stuff. Bhoy’s what they call ‘a pler’ in high society*…

*The Brazenheid

HIGHLAND TOFFEE – 6.5/10 – Touch marginally off until he warmed up, then Luke was sharp and tenacious and our midfield took control. Quick to get on a loose ball and produce the save for our first on the rebound. Shifts with a quality smooth style. Began too look a little leggy 2nd half, left with kudos for a decent contribution.

Daizen Maeda of Celtic celebrates scoring his team’s first goal during the Scottish Premiership match between Celtic and Dundee United at Celtic Park on January 08, 2025. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

LORD KATSUMOTO – 7/10 – Motoring from the start. Daizeminem loves a January in Paradise – his memorable introduction to us almost three years to the day – and it was fitting he pounced on a loose ball to nail the first much like he did against Hibs back then, same end. Always a thorn in opposition sides, and often in his own. Might have had a second, might have created another as well. A fine night of Daizen Daizening.

DUNCAN IDAHO – 5.5/10 – Thought he was growing into game, touches, movement, holding off defenders; all looked well as the opening 45 drew on. But he faded again instead of dominating, got swallowed up by their CBs. Anonymity doesn’t befit a Celtic centre-forward. It ended up yet another blunt outing.

YING – 5.5/10 – Who the hell are you? You’re not on the teamsheet? Seemed to fool BR with the worst Kuhn impersonation since the end-of-season party when Jamesy stuck a slug to his top lip and goose-stepped around the restaurant asking if anyone had “Seen Kyle? Seen Kyle?…” And prattling on about a war…However, he couldn’t fool us despite lighting proceedings up a couple of times with neat footwork. He still, in summary, appears a bit lightweight at times and yet to convince he’s a better investment than the departed Mikey J. But the jury’s not convicting anyone yet; more to come.

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SUBS:

BRIAN DE – N/A – What will we get from a brief cameo? He surprisingly took to the field looking like it was a Honduran beach excursion. No gloves? No thermals? Then he ran it out of play first involvement due to frostbite.

SAINT BERNARDO – 6.5/10 – The most brilliant non-touches of the ball of the season. Twice dummying for Reo to score and settle it. Great defensive work, too. And Nearly scored to cap a memorable ten minutes.

Reo Hatate of Celtic celebrates scoring the second goal during the Scottish Premiership match between Celtic and Dundee United at Celtic Park on January 08, 2025. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

HAKUNA HATATE – 7/10 – A half hour better than many of his recent 90. Reo appeared in time to raise our quality going forward after United had gained a bit of a troubling foothold. Sealed the points with a terrific finish, may have added another, and had some notable defensive endeavour too.

Kyogo Furuhashi of Celtic wins a header during the Scottish Premiership match between Celtic and Dundee United at Celtic Park on January 08, 2025. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

KILLER MUSHROOM – 6/10 – First couple of touches knocked the icicles off, then he was buzzing around. Could have got one himself but for their keeper being sharp. Created more chaos and space than the big ghuy had managed all his time on the park. Lesson once more: Play Kyogo, win titles.

CONTINUED ON THE NEXT PAGE…

Jim Goodwin, Dundee United Manager shakes hands with Brendan Rodgers, Manager of Celtic prior to the Scottish Premiership match between Celtic and Dundee United at Celtic Park on January 08, 2025. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

THE NOTAPRODDYGAL – 7.5/10 – Gun-jumping the support’s enthusiasm for a KT return with Brodge nonsense-speak cut him no favours; maybe a timely reminder he still carries plenty strained goodwill from a large portion of the fanbase not too disposed to midnight flits…Best way to cut through the talk is with action – give the support what we pay and pray for; dynamic Celtic on winning rampages. So without too much tinkering and Saturday’s definitive ratings in his pocket for reference – printed off Gav’s ipad/laptop/pocket inkjet contraption – he set about maintaining continuity whilst giving some spare parts their place in the Celtic machine to function.

What he – and we – got on a brittle night was as smooth systematic functionality as might have been hoped for; overcoming stubborn resistance with fluid persistence. There was an off-script period after the break, but the deepening freeze was probably culpable for hampering synchronicity. He got their minds back on the job on Saturday, and their feet following with haste and skill for most of the ninety tonight. The January ride has begun in earnest. Hold tight.

MIBBERY – 4/10 – Flag the offside you sleekit git! We see you. And those VAR gits too! Deliberate neglect of duty had us on the back foot, allowing them a flurry of troublesome corners that should never have been if the correct call was made on the initial move. Nice try, no cigar. Prank(s).

Glenn Middleton of Dundee United, formerly of theRangers, looks on during the Scottish Premiership match between Celtic and Dundee United at Celtic Park on January 08, 2025 (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

OVERALL – 7/10 – Sixteen? SIXTEEN? Sweet. You’re beautiful and you’re mine… Ringo Starr or Johnny Burnette – what version’s getting banned on ‘Prodify’ playlists tonight? As wildfires rage in La La Land, the Zombiess remain in their own delusional fantasy world as The Hoops scorch the league table towards being within title-winning range sometime in March. A windy Dundee day blew out our flames last encounter but the Glasgow chill wasn’t snuffing the heat tonight. Shaken from festive slumber by the Nightmare After Christmas at Castle Duckula, the Bhoys look back on-task and getting tuned for the big crunch games ahead.

Enter The Arabs to Paradise, but no Arabian night for them – wearing a strip that looked like someone washed the diabolical Ibrox 80s bedspread third kit at the wrong temperature. In tie-dye and unicorn puke…So the Aubergines set up shop and it was Celtic v Congestion FC. However, this Celtic side is nothing if not clinically systematic when required. Lacking a chef’s-kiss final ball all first half to really end the contest, we still persevered with enough quality to carve out openings and nick a deserved lead.

Second 45 – all about the kill and winning thrill? Nope, disjointed, slack, dropped intensity off so much that they got momentum and we couldn’t really regain control. So it was with some relief that Reo swiped a beauty into the top corner and the points were safe. Never a classic, but a classic Celtic victory at a vital time in the season when all that matters is racking up the scorecard and casting a glance at glamorous games to come.

And what a gap we’ve opened. A ‘Lana Wolf’ of a gulf – a yawning Hippo of a difference – between us and them. Between reality and fantasy. Between good and evil… So let’s get our circulation back and fingers crossed for good weather incoming and the Celtic sunshine football back on. A frozen north expedition awaits at the weekend then a jaunt to a medieval village midweek. Two tricky hops back in history to contend with before a cup break. So let’s take it one game at a time. And don’t mention the war. I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it all right.

Go Away Now

Sandman

Willie Fernie – Putting on the Style. Available at celticstarbooks.com