Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v Flock’s Sake

The Celtic Star

·25 maggio 2025

Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v Flock’s Sake

SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v …FLOCK’S SAKE

“Nobody expects the Spanish inquisition! Or The Sheep winning.” – Monty Python.

Kasper Schmeichel of Celtic concedes an own goal leading to the first goal for Aberdeen during the Scottish Cup Final match between Aberdeen and Celtic at Hampden Park on May 24, 2025. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

There's only one word for the scenes in the @AberdeenFC end at Hampden today: LIMBS 🙌🙌🙌 A pitchside view of the goal that sent the game to extra time and the reaction of the Dons fans in the stands 🔴🏆 #ScottishCup
– sabato 24 maggio 2025

THE FRIENDLY GHOST – 3/10 – Sooo close… to not touching the ball at all with his hands for the entire first half then fields one in injury time. Thought that might be the most notable incident of his game, then those safe hands of the Lego Jesus turned traitorous with just seven regulation minutes of the season remaining. If he was a traffic cop he’d be Ricky Fulton’s supercop taking off his goggles – diverting the ball calamitously into our net as the Dons threw their last dice rolls. Down he went, slow, doomed, like the Hindeburg, and so too the treble, in flames.

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As for the pens, not a hope.

A wave from Greg Taylor ahead of the Scottish Cup Final on 24 May, Aberdeen v Celtic Photo: Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

Greg Taylor and Alistair Johnston. Photo: Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

GREGGS THE BAKER – 6.5/10 MOTM – Probably our biggest hope as the grind wore on – certainly the brightest to an opportunity, fizzing in spectacular strikes from distance in both halves. Stayed busy as usual and as inventive as he could muster, but was frustrated by the absence of verve around him.

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Photo: Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

Alistair Johnston misses the penalty that loses the shootout in 2025 Scottish Cup Final, Aberdeen v Celtic. Photo: Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

WAYNE GRETZKY – 4/10 – Someone hobbled The Moose. Couldn’t get around their double-deep cover as regularly as we’re used to seeing. When he did, hampered by hesitation or wrong pick of cross. Surprised Tony wasn’t given the task; AJ’s day summed up by the climactic tame penalty. Question, though – why was he, the right-back, a first-five taker? Who was hiding?

Liam Scales of Celtic looks on as he inspects the pitch prior to the Scottish Cup Final match between Aberdeen and Celtic at Hampden Park on May 24, 2025. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

OF JUSTICE – 5.5/10 – He appeared hesitant for the opening spell, but soon within the first half hour Liam was one of our most involved – something that bothered me at the time because it seemed an indication of the lack of tempo. Anyway, the Ginger Baresi settled well and picked off everything they attempted to pop in-behind us, maintaining a consistency of sharpness through the 120 min.

Photo: Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

GET CARTER – 5/10 – Wore a concerned look for the entirety, even after ‘scoring’ the opener. Rattled Presbyterian ratcatcher Shindig well, but had bother containing the big Gayee when he came on, conceding a lot of ground and possession to him.

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Photo: Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

CALMAC – 5/10 – Well, finally, a final to end his run of finals. Anyone can miss a penalty, fitting that Calmac’s crestfallen moment came in the one he lost after all these years; small consolation that he was at the centre of it and didn’t have to spectate. Did the captain’s bit and led the way. He’d run the show for the duration, so must have sensed the lack of cohesion and tempo; though he tried to muster it, the cutting edge never appeared and the Sheep got away un-sheared.

Nicolas Kuhn, Cameron Carter-Vickers and Paulo Bernardo of Celtic celebrate their teams first goal, an own goal scored by Alfie Dorrington of Aberdeen (not pictured) during the Scottish Cup Final match between Aberdeen and Celtic at Hampden Park on May 24, 2025. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

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SAINT BERNARDO – 2/10 – He’s a player, big Paulo, just not a player today. Out for 90% of the season yet expected to hustle through an intense cup final? He was cooked after 60 minutes, and that’s being generous. Why can I see that and the men who make the decisions clap on happy, and have him running around on empty when we needed vigour and energy in there?

Photo: Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

THE TERMINATOR – 5.5/10 – We required some boots with class as the game wore on. That looked likely when Arne cracked a post as the Red wall in front of him began to wobble, chinks of light appearing, openings MADE for one of his positive movement and guile. Would it be his time to kill them off and crown the season? Nope. Rodgers hooked him immediately. And there went a bit of hope. And legs for extra time.

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Photo: Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

LORD KATSUMOTO – 5/10 – After such a season; After such an assassination of all who stood before the Samurai… It had to be Daizen. The glorious chance to win the treble at the death. Who else would we want clean through? Who else was it written for? Goddamn.

Photo: Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

DUNCAN IDAHO – 3.5/10 – Absent. But not without a sympathy note. Hulked around among a trio of central defenders, trying to find space, create some impact. But service was nil and his presence rendered pointless.

TAKINTE – 2.5/10 – What’s become of The Kuhn? Once a more destructive force than his Fatherland’s blitzkrieg, he’s been mainly Kuhn-light since January. Nothing of artistry came of those dancing boots today, promising moves dissipating, clipped crosses short, ineffectual backtracking…If, as I suspect, he’s ‘conserving’ himself so as not to jeopardise a summer move, then the management needs to shoulder the blame for playing him as part of the starting XI

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SUBS –

Photo: Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

YING – 3.5/10 – Buzzing when he came on, in about them, an angry wasp just out the jar it’s been trapped in. Unfortunately, somewhere along the line he got swatted and finished the day blundering about like a drunken bluebottle.

Photo: Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

HIGHLAND TOFFEE – 4.5/10 – Look, Luke, you looked likely but bizarrely, a bit leggy. Though he might be the one for the big finish but despite once or twice, his classy feet never quite found the perfect synch.

SCHLUPPTHE ‘RA – 5.5/10 – What a finale to his Celtic time that crossbar denied him. But no slouch when required to make a fine sliding tackle on their flying sub. No complaints about the big fella’s commitment to the cause.

Photo: Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

KENNY JOHNNY – 4.5/10 – Put the heid on it, Johnny! Could he have buried that with a bit more bravery? Who knows, but his zippy presence was a bit of an improvement on a previously lethargic frontline.

Photo: Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

JAMESY – 5/10 – On he came and up we lifted. When you need penetration, send for the Prestwick Pele. Or maybe play him from the start…But, incredibly, just as we were lubricated, Jamesy wilted and couldn’t get it* up again. Tripped on a bursting run, down he went and not in a good way (Ladies…). “Looks like he’s pulled something,” the physios radioed to the sideline. ‘Who?’ enquired the management. ‘From the pitch? That’s outstanding… Is she ho…Ah, right, see whit you mean.’ Alas, nothing could save the mhan of the moment – even the on-field viagra injections weren’t enough – and his season ended in mild ignominy as he failed to reach a treble climax.

*typo. Please tippex out.

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Photo: Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

THE NOTAPRODDYGAL – 3/10 – Meritocracy it’s not. And I’m not sure The Brodge knows exactly if he wants to run his autocracy as a monarch or dictator. He’s no king of Hampden any more, that’s certified. And Brendanball took a blunt-force trauma to the face from a cadre of Sheep in wellies who refused to budge to any of his tyrannical wiles as his most faithful henchmen failed to carry out his masterplan. And he wasn’t slow in pointing fingers.

'We're not robots...sadly we just couldn't go that next step' Celtic manager Brendan Rodgers after his side's defeat in the Scottish Cup final ⤵️ #BBCFootball #ScottishCup
– sabato 24 maggio 2025

Photo: Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

Maybe that’s the crux of it – that some players have sussed his disingenuous nature by the treatment of others; players are always thicker than thieves when there’s unease or unrest between management and squad. Engels subbed and Paulo left on was the pivotal point for me – they were legging and the bhoy was brightening – ask the post – and Paulo wasn’t long out of A&E. Why? Don’t know. What was he expecting from leggy Paulo who hadn’t completed 90 minutes since Bealeball ruled the universe? Don’t know.

Photo: Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

At any rate, this was a kick in the shiny gnashers he didn’t expect, and even though there’s been warning signs, neither did many of us. Today was the worst of the Rodgers system – too laboured, too cautious and lacking the imagination to counter the opposition’s nullifying methods. Haranguing the players won’t fix it; they’ll shrug and look for a move. He needs to fix it. And he’d better.

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Photo: Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

MIBBERY – 5.5/10 – Bit of glory at the end of a bitterly long season. The Don did his niggling best, a linesman forgot he wasn’t part of the red army in the Zombie end and VAR crossed their fingers and eyes and saw no evil. Yet there influence was mild, compared to the glaring deficiencies of Celtic in a lethargic fug.

OVERALL – 3/10 – A Treble ‘Meh’. The yell came from 20,000 sheep-worrying teuchters in complete disbelief. A fortnight after Celtic reserves dismantled them in the Pen, the journey to Glasgow was more pilgrimage than hope, praying history could at least rhyme if not repeat after 35 years of ovine misery. Well, don’t you just know it… Football, bloody hell.

As with St.Mirren, the unchanged team – Brendan’s season-long honed first choice XI, minus only Reo – produced… A nothingburger of a performance. Maybe Reo was the difference, maybe not. The glamorous showcase day of the calendar ended in frustrated disbelief as the streamlined Celtic sports model got mangled crashing into the Low Block.

Photo: Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

Concerning? Yup. Speed of passing like a Zombie trying to count beyond his webbed fingers, displaying footballing wits equivalent to Barry Ferguson naming ‘Rambo’ as his favourite French surrealist poet; we took and fluffed a SHORT corner two minutes into injury time in a cup final to win a treble, when the opposition were hanging on for dear life, for HEAVEN’S SAKE.

All the credit and glory goes North, to the bestiality-riddled wastelands. Strategic genius Jimmy From Brookside employed a gallus tactical change for the occasion – bore us to death and batter Maeda…And it worked. Shamefully. The only reply Rodgers had was to throw on twin wingers late and hope his knackered workhorses had enough left to see us through.

Photo: Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

So the Treble gets blown versus a side whom we’ve scored so many times against this season Jamesy thought it was composed of his burds kinked-out in red lingerie. What an absolute shambles it turned into at the end as they went toe-to-toe and we didn’t have the verve to take them apart for their cheek.

Photo: Vagelis Georgariou (The Celtic Star)

Now we know what it feels like to be a Zombie. Let’s not go there again, Celtic. Find a fix.

Go Away Now

Sandman

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